Patton Oswalt’s pre-comedy jobs emblazoned in wood, a birthday gift from his brother

On Thursday night’s The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Patton Oswalt talked about turning 45, and receiving a very special gift from his brother, writer/director Matt Oswalt.

It’s a wood frame emblazoned with all of the jobs Patton held before deciding to pursue stand-up comedy full-time. “He burned my employment history before I became a comedian onto a big plank of wood,” he told Fallon.

Frank’s Family Restaurant: “Pizza restaurant. I didn’t even cook pizzas. I prepped for the pizza cooks…I was cutting open giant bags of industrial shredded cheese and was dumping them…it was fantastic!”

Sugarland Run Community Center: “I basically had a bag and a stick. And I went around my community and if something was plugging something in a drain, or if there was something weird in the road, I picked it up with my stick and put it in my bag,” he said. “My stick and my gun, I just realized, were my gun and my badge. Like, if I had messed up, my supervisor would have gone, ‘I want your stick and your bag on my desk…by 9 a.m. tomorrow.'”

“Waxie Maxie’s was a record store that I got fired from, thank God. Because if I had heard the Mr. Mister album with ‘Broken Wings’ on it one more time. I wanted to play the Dead Kennedys, like ‘Frankenchrist.’ They were like, ‘No, we’re going to play Mr. Mister again.”

“Sounds Unlimited, I was a wedding and party DJ. We were the lower-tier DJ company, so we got all of the weird forced weddings and forced retirements. It was. I was the ambient music for sadness.”

Related: Of course, Patton Oswalt recorded a great bit about which birthdays you’re allowed to celebrate in adulthood, which is on his “Werewolves and Lollipops” album.” Here’s a video version of it he did for Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham.

Oswalt’s latest stand-up special, “Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time,” premiered on EPIX and will air for the first time on Comedy Central in April.

Sean L. McCarthy

Editor and publisher since 2007, when he was named New York's Funniest Reporter. Former newspaper reporter at the New York Daily News, Boston Herald and smaller dailies and community papers across America. Loves comedy so much he founded this site.

View all posts by Sean L. McCarthy →