With a profile this week in The New York Times, do you think Andy Kindler might mention it in today’s State of the Industry address at Montreal’s Just For Laughs comedy festival? Do you think? What do you think. You’re here reading this, so you know the answer.
“I was profiled in The New York Times this week, so I’m on Easy Street now! Marshall, $1200!” Kindler joked in an ongoing gag about his asking rate for comedy clubs going up by the minute.
But that joke was sandwiched amid his usual barrage of zingers aimed at everyone else who’s big in comedy now, and self-deprecating barbs at his own status within show business. “Welcome to Andy Kindler’s Half A House Tour. Thirty to 40 people can’t be wrong!”
“It has been a hard year for me…my dad died in January, so think about that when you’re not laughing at my 13th Jay Leno slam,” Kindler noted, before adding: “I did not turn my dad’s death into a Facebook event.” A chunk followed on how so many people, comedians and civilians alike, are putting sad and bad news out for all to read on social media.
As for Kindler’s comedy targets in the summer of 2015? Highlights below:
“I don’t tell stories well. I’m no Kathy Griffin.”
“Note to self: Next year make them punchier, make them shorter.”
“I’ve never not lost the room by taking a sip.”
“James Corden didn’t want to do a talk show,” Kindler said, noting how Les Moonves loved seeing Corden in a musical and gave him a talk show instead, because that’s how the business works now. “You got to be a song and dance man like Jimmy Fallon. You got to be able to do potato sack races with Cameron Diaz. You have to go viral. I can’t even make my viruses go viral!”
Kindler compared HBO’s new series Ballers to its old hit, Arli$$, and later went balls deep into the Entourage movie.
“Have you seen B-Roll with Carson Daly? He’s too busy to host his own show!”
“Why don’t I have the career of Chris Rock? I’m like Chris Rock without the charisma of the confidence. I can say things twice. I can say things twice!!”
On Louis CK: “If the emperor has no clothes, at least give him a towel.”
“Free speech took a hit with The Interview…If that movie hadn’t been shown, nothing would have changed in the world. You didn’t see any leaks from Sony executives complaining about how hilarious it was.” He noted wryly that Sony leaks revealed they weren’t happy with Adam Sandler.
On Sandler’s brand-new movie, Pixels: “People have gone home and smashed their TVs because they heard that pixels were involved.”
On Sandler’s upcoming Netflix film, The Ridiculous 6. “It’s a name you come up with before you start using your brain.” “Adam Sandler movies have more twists and turns than a straight hallway.” “The writers from F Troop complained about the movie.”
On Jerry Seinfeld claiming colleges are too P.C.: “There was no event. Nothing happened!” “Remember he’s a multi-billionaire, we have to be concerned with his take.” “The first black person Seinfeld met was George Wallace, the comedian!” “The gay French King bit, it’s not funny!” “For 15 seconds he doesn’t kill. Instead of saying, oh this is how every other comedian feels, he goes, I can’t stand this!…you’ve suffered nothing, Jerry!!! He hasn’t taken a risk in his life! You’re not the risk guy!…why is the gay French King bit that important to you?!”
“When I went after Anthony Cumia, I had to hide in a bunker for two months…what are Seinfeld’s fans going to do? What, will people show up at my house with puffy shirts?””
“The only time colleges were good to play was in the movie Annie Hall”
“Bill Maher calls it as he sees it….so did Hitler!” “No topic is off-limits to Bill Maher, or funny.”
Kindler closed with a minute on Jim Carrey’s recent online rant about mercury in vaccines, and then some breaking news about FX canceling The Comedians.
“I know, you haven’t seen it,” Kindler told the assembled comedians and industry agents and managers. He suggested maybe FX should have put warning labels on The Comedians to note that it was one too many examples of the mockumentary format, or that it added to the too-much hype on Josh Gad. Or “Warning: this show features Billy Crystal.”
Kindler found supportive voices, claps, hoots and hollers around the room, from Jeffrey Ross to Todd Glass, Eddie Pepitone and Patton Oswalt. Oswalt, particularly, drew Kindler’s attention throughout.
“All I want is for Patton (Oswalt) to like me….throw me a bone!”
He did more than that. He kept laughing throughout the hour.
— Sean L. McCarthy (@thecomicscomic) July 24, 2015
And here is the full audio: