On last night's episode of Lopez Tonight, Greg Fitzsimmons joked about the difference between losing a job and having it stolen, worries about being called "the white devil" by using the wrong word to describe other races and ethnicities, because the world is a confusing mixed-up place where nothing matches up with the actual meanings of words. Word! He'll also tell you why President Barack Obama is magical.

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Related: Read this in-depth interview with Greg Fitzsimmons about his book, "Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons."