If you look at your TV listings for tonight, then you'll see that Hal Sparks has a new stand-up special debuting at 10 p.m. (Eastern/Pacific) on Showtime called "Charmageddon." But the description of it, at least on Time Warner Cable, is somewhat unrevealing: "The comic discusses differences between men and women, country folks and non-smokers."
When, really, the title of Sparks' special is odd for an entirely different reason: Sparks spends the bulk of the first half of his hour telling us, "Don't make up words!" Charmageddon may be OK in his book, but he's definitely not a fan of people talking about unsweetened ice tea, non-smokers, date-rape, as well as describing a weak person as a pussy. Since, as he claims, there is nothing weak about female genitalia. Roll the fairly NSFW clip!
As you can see, Sparks has short hair again. He acknowledges the haircut at the top of his special, recorded at the OC Pavilion in Santa Ana, Calif., saying he had grown it out for movie roles, then cutting it for Locks of Love. He jokes about how everyone becomes your mother when you grow your hair long, then rebuts it with references to Jesus and God, and a counterpoint about bald people. All I remember about Sparks having long hair recently was that it coincided with his Criss Angel rock magician attitude he was trying to pull off on TV. So I'm glad he's moved past that phase.
Sparks hails from Kentucky. "Who pretends to be from Kentucky?" he jokes, and also explains the difference between losing an accent and killing it, outlining a few good reasons for doing so.
Sparks tells us he's a thinker, but not a drinker, and has a rejoinder for any friends who tell him "never say never" about drinking.
The cable TV description did get it right, however, that Sparks spends the second half of his hour acknowledging the differences between men and women, and he does so by talking about how we're different as sexual creatures, whether it's strip clubs or sex toys. He also shares his opinions about marriage, not just straight and gay but also in-bred (he has no problems playing into our preconceived notions about Kentucky!), and what he feels are outdated customs. Such as: "You don't save yourself for 'the one.' You practice for 'the one.'" Of course, relationships are so different now that we have text messaging, as Sparks outlines in this clip:
Hal Sparks: "Charmageddon," debuts tonight on Showtime. DVD available June 29.