Black don’t crack. Just look at Arsenio Hall, as Helen Hong noted opening her stand-up set on Monday’s Arsenio. Black don’t crack is a cool saying, but Asians age well, too — and Hong thinks they need a catchphrase to honor that. “Rice stays nice!” You know what’s not nice? The texts men send Hong immediately after getting her digits. Her digits do not equal your digit, fellas. Especially if you’re not going to let her know what you’re working with. One question, though, what size Red Bull can are we talking about here?

If that’s not offensive enough for you or her, there’s always Hollywood’s casting choices and audition instructions for Hong. I’ll let her explain.

Roll the clip!