Michael Palascak made his debut Friday night on Late Show with David Letterman, and he made some compelling arguments for living with his parents, not working at McDonald's, not moving to Canada, not waiting for marriage to have sex, and how working the graveyard is not as cool as working the graveyard shift. I think I made that last one up. Sort of.

But as Palascak said: "I don't make the rules. I just mix them up in my head."

Roll the clip!