How many of you listened to and bought Larry the Cable Guy's new CD, Tailgate Party, which came out a week ago? We'll find out soon enough when the sales figures get reported.

When I listened to it, one of the things that jumped out at me — other than the fact that "Larry" made a political statement by announcing he had switched from driving a Dodge to a Ford "because Ford didn't ask for bailout money" — was that through much of the CD, he displays a love for colorful similes. Much like another down-home guy, former CBS News anchor Dan Rather! Time to play our new game…


A) "They're ripping their underbritches off like they've got fruit flies flying around in a cotton patch down there."

B) "If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a hand gun."

C) "Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek."

D) It's "kind of like having the Daytona 500 on a cul-de-sac."

E) "I'd rather be pooping in a pair of plastic shorts than do something like that."

Of course, the answers are…coming up after the break for this commercial message:

Larry the Cable Guy - Tailgate Party

And we're back! Larry the Cable Guy also has a hankering for a very specific type of simile on Tailgate Party. For some reason, he's madder than a BLANK on a BLANK. Examples, please? Why, of course. These are some of the many tags to jokes on Larry's new CD:

"She was madder than a two-finger cripple trying to return a text message."

"He was madder than an albino hitchhiking in a snowstorm."

"I was madder than a midget with a Yo-Yo." 

"China, make me madder than a hunchback in a limbo contest."

"Them reality shows make me madder than a piano player in a marching band."

"Makes me madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory"

Super Bowl ads "make me madder than a fat guy with little arms trying to wipe his ass-crack"

And if you really couldn't figure out the quiz earlier, the Ratherisms were B and C. A, D and E were all Larry's.