Quotes from Jon Stewart, live in concert

More words and wisdom from Jon Stewart, dispensed onstage Friday night at the Wang Theatre in Boston. On the Wang Center…
"This is, by far, the nicest Wang I’ve ever seen."
"It sounds like a holistic healing center for your d—…we’ll wrap it in kelp."

On gays wanting to be in the St. Patrick’s Day parade: "You don’t want anything to take away from the dignity of that parade." On gays wanting to be in the Boy Scouts: "Already the gayest organization ever." On gays being an abomination in the Bible: "You what else is an abomination? Shellfish. Where’s that sign?!"

Acknowledging his sex talk onstage: "Wha? You’re not the nice man from the television show. This s— gets weird when it’s live."

On science? "They’re working on cloning? We have six billion people…f—ing is working!" "Billions of dollars to make a sheep that looks exactly like another sheep." That’s the whole point of sheep, he said. That’s why you count them to fall asleep.

On man ruining the planet: "As far as the Earth is concerned, we’re a mild case of eczema."

On how Bush gets away with so much: "He doesn’t care. Clinton cared, but he cared too much. In a creepy way."

On Vice President Cheney: "The guy hasn’t done one thing right yet." But Bush still trusts him. Why? The only thing Stewart would trust Cheney with? "Dead hooker in a hotel room."

When he lost his place, someone from the crowd shouted "Jews and Blacks!" "I love hearing a crowd in Boston just shouting out Jews and Blacks! There’s a hint of danger in it!"

Sean L. McCarthy

Editor and publisher since 2007, when he was named New York's Funniest Reporter. Former newspaper reporter at the New York Daily News, Boston Herald and smaller dailies and community papers across America. Loves comedy so much he founded this site.

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