The eighth and final preliminary competition in the Boston Comedy Festival stand-up contest, and for once, all is right with the world. And by that, I mean it’s not going to be difficult to predict who advances to the semifinals. And by that, I mean read the recap.

Prelim 8 (in order of appearance):

1) Roz Browne: No, not that Roz. Comes up to a cold crowd, leaves it cold. Bites the proverbial opening-comic bullet. Sorry. Better luck next time.

2) Al Jackson: Another teacher? What’s with all of the stand-ups who previously worked as teachers? Could it be the students? Must be. But Jackson has funny teacher jokes I’ve never heard before. I won’t repeat them here. Guessing you might have another chance to hear them later this week.

3) Amanda Beals: I’m calling her Little Miss Fancypants. Her pants are fancy and full of flowing fabric. She even sounds fancy. Dahling, let me tell you a funny little story.

4) Stan Chen: The audience is not loving his Lance Armstrong bit. So he moves on to Sarah Jessica Parker, calling her sexy but ugly, which provoke laughter. Also argues for Asians in real sports. Is hot dog eating a real sport? I don’t find out in this set. He came off a bit loud tonight for my taste, the kind of loud that gets in the way of the material loud.

5) Myq Kaplan: Strongest set of the night. Opens with Snakes on a Plane inspiring other movie titles. Absolutely love his bit about losing a cell phone. But I feel like his material in the past year has gotten so strong, it’s actually stronger than his closer, which is a weird thing to say, I know, but I didn’t say it. I typed it. Myq should appreciate that.

6) Jy Harris: Another high-energy boost, immediately goes to crowd work. Lies down for a bit, which can work sometimes, but not this time. Makes a funny case for why you shouldn’t immediately suspect vegetarians are gay.

7) David Landau: Opens with an Ashlee Simpson joke, which backfired yet worked for Kjell the other night. Landau moves on to observations about gas prices, smoking warnings. Good. But not as good as other comics before him this night.

8) Nick Hoff: Acts out what happened when he saw a spider right before going to sleep. This happened to me with a moth the other night, which makes the hunt trickier, because the moth can fly away. Hoff also is afraid of surfing. I can see why. Good. But not as good as other comics before him this night. Can you sense a trend?

9) Ali Rizvi: Talks about his Muslim family. His mom is a ninja. Loves to dance alone in elevators. Want to see and hear how that might go down? Rizvi will show you. Can the breakdancing Muslim win? Depends upon the contest.

10) Mike Prior: No festival bio or mug shot. Maybe it’s because he told us he’s broke. Wonders why schools don’t let the last-place student give graduation speeches. Says: “I’m having way more fun than you people are.” Correct, sir. You win a prize. Just not the prize you seek.

11) Jay Hewlett: Hack opening line. Talks about getting drunk, sex, work. Has “anal glaucoma.” What’s that? “I can’t see my ass coming to work today.” Fair enough.

12) Tom Kizirian: He’s a recent Northeastern U. grad, and it appears as though he thought this was a bringer contest, or maybe he just has a lot of loving, supporting friends and family. Let’s not be so cynical. It’s the latter. Are you really so tired of writing prelim recaps that you have to go that route? Sorry. Sidetracked. Kizirian says Rollerblading is so gay, even gay guys don’t do it. Now what am I supposed to do with my Rollerblades? Thanks a lot.

The time-killer for this show is Jesse Joyce (for the previous show, Jeff Caldwell). They’re both funny fellas, but at this point, I just want the prelims to be over. Wish granted.

Advancing to the semis, your prelim 8 winners: Myq Kaplan and Al Jackson.