John Oliver invites Right Said Fred to perform new version of “I’m Too Sexy” for Bashar al-Assad

John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight is embracing its subversive side more and more a month into its run on HBO.

Last night, Oliver reported on Syran President Bashar al-Assad, who despite years of civil war that has him finding new ways to kill his own people, still remains in power and somehow out of reach of the rest of the world. What to do, what to do? Well, when we learned al-Assad has been buying recently on iTunes, Oliver had one solution.

In this edited and abridged clip, Last Week Tonight skips past the news summaries to the meat of the matter…

“It’s so frustrating that we’re powerless to do anything to hurt him,” Oliver said. “If only there were something — however small — that we could do. I guess we could find something he loves and turn it against him. We could track down, let’s say, Right Said Fred, and we could, hypothetically, fly them all the way over here from London to perform a specially-rewritten anti-Assad version of their greatest hit.” Crowd applauds. “No, no, no. But would it really be worth all that time and expense just for the momentary catharsis of mildly irritating one of the worst people on the planet?”

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you one of Bashar al-Assad’s favorite bands: Right Said Fred!”

And here are the revised lyrics, as performed by Right Said Fred:

YOU’RE TOO AWFUL FOR THIS EARTH
TOO AWFUL FOR THIS EARTH
SO AWFUL IT HURTS
YOUR FACE BARELY HAS A CHIN
IT BARELY HAS A CHIN
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HIM…

PLEASE, STOP DOWNLOADING OUR TRACKS
STOP DOWNLOADING OUR TRACKS
HERE’S YOUR MONEY BACK

YOU’RE A MONSTER
WE HATE YOUR REGIME
AND WE THINK YOU SHOULD BE TRIED FOR WAR
CRIMES
YEAH, FOR WAR CRIMES
FOR WAR CRIMES
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BE ON TRIAL FOR WAR
CRIMES

YOU’RE AN OPTHAMOLOGIST
AN OPTHAMOLOGIST
HEY, CAN YOU READ THIS?

YOU ARE JUST A WALKING TAINT
THE OPPOSITE OF A SAINT
AT LEAST HITLER COULD PAINT

YOU’RE A MONSTER
AND A VOLLEYBALL FAN
TAKE: MUSIC CUTS OUT, AUDIENCE PARTICIPATES
BUT MORE THAN THAT, YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE
YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE
WHO’S AFRAID OF HIS MOM
YOU’RE A MURDEROUS MOM-FEARING ASSHOLE
YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!
YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE, YEAH!
EVERYONE THINKS YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!

YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!
YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE, YEAH!
EVERYONE THINKS YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!
PLEASE STOP LISTENING TO OUR SONGS.

Sean L. McCarthy

Editor and publisher since 2007, when he was named New York's Funniest Reporter. Former newspaper reporter at the New York Daily News, Boston Herald and smaller dailies and community papers across America. Loves comedy so much he founded this site.

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