Who decides who’s the best at using Twitter? Exactly.

Nobody knows. Which means everybody can throw their proverbial hats into the three-ring social media circus and make their own proclamations. Which is what the latest edition of kids over at the National Lampoon chose to do with their first-ever Twitter Awards. As they explained, “Since there are awards for everything else in this God-Forsaken world, we’ve decided there should be awards for Twitter also, and we’ve decided we should be the ones to dole them out because… well, just BECAUSE.”

They drew up the categories and nominees, and then over the past month, asked the public to vote for their favorites — which, this being Twitter, would benefit the nominees who plugged the Awards and the Lampoon the most, and had the most loyal Twitter followings.

On Thursday night, they announced the winners, not on Twitter, but on UStream. If you missed it, then just read this list. How do you think they did? What would you do differently if you were handing out Twitter awards?

Twitter King:  @robdelaney

Twitter Queen: @kellyoxford

Political Humorist: @theonion

Sports Humorist: @SklarBrothers

Best Under 40K: @DearAnyone

Best Under 30K:@mrsrupertpupkin

Best Under 20K: @clarkekant

Best Under 10K: @RobinMcCauley

Best Diety: @Jesus_M_Christ

Most Inane: @kimkardashian

Most Insane:  @charliesheen

Most Offensive Male: @YourFavWhiteGuy

Most Offensive Female: @jennyjohnsonhi5

Best Talk Show Host: @conanobrien

Best Hall of Famer: @normmacdonald

Best Newcomer: @TheLewisBlack

Most Likely to Tweet Their Suicide Note: @eddiepepitone

Best Company Feed: @funnyordie

Best Stand-Up Comedian: @sarahksilverman

Best Celebrity Sniper: @realjeffreyross

Best Athlete: @miketyson

Best Director: @sethmacfarlane

Best Actor: @willsasso

Best Actress: @sarahksilverman

Best Gay: @jackmackenroth

Best Rich Guy: @mcuban

Best Parent: @dannyzuker

Best Fake Feed:  @TheBillWalton

Person You Would Most Like to See Join Twitter: @LarryDavid