Becoming a New Yorker means gaining a sense of entitlement while also lowering your standards. At least that’s how Jon Fisch feels after living in the city for 15 years, as he joked on Friday’s episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Take Fisch’s apartment, for example. Or his relationship with his favorite sushi restaurant. Being single in your 40s is weird enough, but having your friends marry and divorce and rejoin you in bachelor living is even weirder. He’s my real friend. Make him yours now.

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