Chelsea Handler announced details of her new talk show on Netflix today, with a handwritten letter explaining Handler will host three episodes per week — releasing on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays — starting May 11, 2016.

She wrote in this note to self:

Dear You,

This is your new show schedule, so if you’re thinking about having a baby — don’t. Your new show will be on every WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY + FRIDAY on NETFLIX.

30 MINUTES | 3X a week | NO COMMERCIALS

  • I know it’s hard for you, but waking up is a great way to start the day.
  • You’ll be traveling around the world and learning new things, courtesy of NETFLIX. Treat this as an opportunity to get the college education you forgot to get.
  • Sign up for Netflix.
  • When interviewing respected figures, ask yourself “What would Byron Allen do” Then, do the opposite.
  • Once an episode is up and streaming on Netflix, it will be available until the end of time, so put a little more thought into what you say this time around.
  • Never give up on your dream guest list: 3. Michelle Obama 2. The Pope 1 . Arnold Schwarzaneggar’s (sic) maid.
  • You’ll be streaming in 190 countries, so remember to keep a deeper, more sculturally sensitive perspective. Especially towards the Germans, they’re still touchy about everything they did.
  • You wanted a new show, you got it. You wanted to be on Netflix, you are. You wanted to spread your wings, now FLY, BITCH.

PREMIERES MAY 11th

P.S. It’s an election year. Good timing, girl.

Chelsea

Chelsea_Netflix_letter

She’s still soliciting potential titles, logos and loglines for her show, btw. So get on it!