College kids sometimes mix up their real history with their mythos, while New Yorkers can get annoyed much faster at real-life problems than people elsewhere, like the friend who told Keith Alberstadt to get his asthma together.

“I’m not addicted to asthma,” Alberstadt counters. “I have an inhaler. Not willpower and a sponsor.” Also, if you’re comparing your tattoos to children, make sure you know which conversation you’re listening to first. This is from his performance on Thursday night’s Late Night with Seth Meyers.

Roll the clip!