At least the jokes that made it to broadcast on Comedy Central, that is.
In order of appearance, here were the best jokes from the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber:
Pete Davidson. “Wow. Ludacris and Snoop Dogg are here. If I was 38, I’d be freaking out right now!”
.@PeteDavidson can't believe how cool the #BieberRoast dais used to be. pic.twitter.com/dlFdKPjG16
— Comedy Central Stand-Up (@standup) March 31, 2015
“Justin, you know, I lost my dad on 9/11, and I always regretted growing up without a dad. Until I met your dad, Justin. Now I’m glad mine’s dead.”
Followed immediately by:
“Two people from the movie Soul Plane are here, right? Kevin. Snoop. Soul Plane was the worst experience of my life involving a plane.”
Natasha Leggero. “Kevin, you are everywhere. You know, Kevin’s going to be on the next season of Game of Thrones. He’s playing Peter Dinklage’s shadow.”
.@NatashaLeggero congratulates @kevinhart4real on his next big role. #BieberRoast pic.twitter.com/oQY4M9RZh1
— Comedy Central Stand-Up (@standup) March 31, 2015
“Kevin has a Napoleon complex. Kevin, Napoleon was the leader of France. Ludacris, France is in Europe. Justin, Europe’s a continent. Shaq, a continent is not a free breakfast.”
“Chris D’Elia finally answers the question: What if Dane Cook had half the talent and a rich father?”
Chris D’Elia.
“You literally are a guy who has it all, except for respect, love, friends, good parents and a Grammy.”
.@ChrisDelia explains how lucky @justinbieber really is — kind of. #BieberRoast pic.twitter.com/bCpF0TYFcr
— Comedy Central Stand-Up (@standup) March 31, 2015
Jeffrey Ross.
“You haven’t released an album in three years! C’mon, Biebs. What are you doing with your life? If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of One Direction fucking your fans.”
“You’re a cocky little shit. You are the King Joffrey of Pop.”
.@realjeffreyross is amazed that @JustinBieber had such an incredible career. #BieberRoast pic.twitter.com/PS0IKbBVCN
— Comedy Central Stand-Up (@standup) March 31, 2015
Snoop Dogg.
“Hannibal Buress. You’re the only Bill Cosby accuser making money off of it!”
Hannibal Buress.
“They say that you should roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.”
“Justin, I don’t like your music, man. I think it’s bad, man. I don’t like it. I hate your music. I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy.”
.@HannibalBuress really, really hates @JustinBieber's music. #BieberRoast pic.twitter.com/L4XDH0F72R
— Comedy Central Stand-Up (@standup) March 31, 2015
And one they didn’t air!?
“Actually, you should thank me for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likable in the public eye — and I hope it doesn’t work.”
Ron Burgandy (aka Will Ferrell in character).
“This kid has moxie, spunk, and probably a few other STDs.”
Kevin Hart.
“Jeff, I would say something about you, but this is all you got!”
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