Michael Palascak vows to tell his future children better bedtime stories than his mom told him when he was a kid. As the comedian explained in his stand-up performance on Monday’s Conan, Palasack still enjoys going home to visit his parents, though, wherein he learns all of the various parking tickets and fees he could rack up if he breaks the local laws in Chicago. Fun facts!

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If you liked those jokes, there’s plenty more where those came from — on Palasack’s 2014 comedy album, Job Opening. Buy it via Rooftop Comedy Productions.