Look. I don’t know if you’re going to see the movie Grudge Match starring Sylvester Stallone and Robert DeNiro, or even if you should, but I do know that Joey “Coco” Diaz makes for some comic relief in the film — along with Kevin Hart — and that Diaz has plenty of funny, gritty stories to tell all on his own.

Such as this fight story from New York City in the 1970s involving his mom and a cabbie on the way to a Mets game. From Ari Shaffir’s “This Is Not Happening” showcases for Comedy Central. If you see something, should you always say something? “If you’re walking on ice, you might as well dance,” Diaz says, referring to something else completely, and I’m not about to spoil it for you. “I was going to go to prison with a plan!”

Roll the clip!

Joey Diaz previously shared this story, too, involving heroin.

Did I mean these stories are not safe for work? Or for trying at home. Don’t try these stories at home, kids.