Jackie Kashian made her late-night TV debut last night on Conan, and what did we learn?

For one thing, marrying a nerd who plays video games and reads comic books is good for fidelity and security, because it “keeps him off the pipe, keeps him off the pole.” For another, maybe you might want to consider a pet turtle instead of a cat or a dog. Why? Let Jackie Kashian tell you why.

Roll the clip!