Calling all romantics. It's Valentine's Day today, and some comedians are ready to help and serve you with advice both real and really funny.

Marc Maron wrote an essay for the New York Post about how all men can learn from his past mistakes. Stick with chocolate and flowers, please. "Another thing, you might be tempted to get something cute and creative, like a cool rock, a daisy, an ironic vinyl record and a card you made out of a diner menu and used Metrocards. This is only okay if you are 14 to 25 (or emotionally that old)."

Rob Delaney has a few choice words for Funny or Die about the day, and his dream date: Jennifer Hudson.

If you wrote in to The A.V. Club looking for advice today, then Julie Klausner has some for you.

The Axis of Awesome knows that even down under, it's still Valentine's Day, and what better time to teach you how to write a love song:


 

When you think of romantic men, the first two names to pop up were Moshe Kasher and Brent Weinbach. Obvs. This short film on dating etiquette has a 25% funny rating! Which means three out of every four people have no idea what's going on here.