The Tonight Show with Jay Leno made its "triumphant" "return" last night with a cold open that included John Melendez — whom most reporters and bloggers still call Stuttering John and think that he was only just now fired as the announcer, even though he didn't have that task on the failed 10 p.m. show, either — and, of course, Betty White (because Facebook fans demanded she appear on NBC late-night programming, just not this show). And if you think that run-on sentence is going to be an issue, then you don't even want me to get into the actual program, which included a monologue dusted off from the attic — Alan Greenspan? He retired in January 2006. President Bush? He hasn't been president since January 2009. I know facts — and a clearly manic Jamie Foxx. It was horrible. But plenty of us sat through it, just because we had to.

Landline TV figured that must be the case for every Leno audience, as they outline in their latest video. I don't buy it, personally. I think Leno's audience is made up of Hollywood tourists who think Burbank is even more glamorous than Hollywood. That drive up through the hills in the rental car might confuse them. And Leno is a famous person. Just think how exciting that must be to see a famous person in real life? I know what I'm talking about. Sort of. Roll the clip!