Getting in the mood for tonight’s new episode of Last Comic Standing, let’s relive the fun of last week’s episode (especially since three of the final 10 comedians and myself were in Montreal at the time)…so, let the foolishness begin!
Iliza Shlesinger returns triumphant from her showdown with Ku and God’s Pottery, and gets kudos from Marcus "she just owned that stage" and deserved to win, while Paul Foot and Papa CJ think she’s vulnerable (foreshadowing a spoiler alert!!!). Oh, you crazy editors.
Comic Car Wash? I certainly hope this is as productive as the calendar shoot was…and can I hit the fast-forward button yet?…wait, what happened that put Jim Tavare on crutches? Now that would be interesting on camera…no? This is some morbid variation on that whole Last Comic Driving scam, because our comedians are telling jokes to the car wash participants for tips, or something, and whomever gets the biggest tips wins something or other? Cue the everyone gets wet montage. Is it wrong for me to be staring? Ad break!
Comedians get a barrel of carrots and overthink the challenge, because, yes, it’s Carrot Top! They head to a Bed, Bath and Beyond and get "mad props" — racing around the store to find props and whomever does them thar prop comedy the best wins immunity. "This is kind of funny that I’m teaching you!" Carrot Top tells the finalists. Well said, sir. Well said. So The Top Propster trots out some examples to share with the wannabes. George Bush’s "decision master" is a tank on a map. Bobby Brown’s new book is powdered. Get it? Got it? Good. Now run through the store. You figure it out. Ron G. suddenly has a mohawk…is that his prop? And it’s showtime for our judge, Sir Top Carrot of Muscle Mania Man, and a live audience (and where from whence did they come?). "Where did they get these people," Sean Cullen asks. "Well, I guess they live here."
Up first, Louis Ramey. Sushi at night? Better luck with a light bulb affixed to the bottom of a pot thing, and with the shower curtain postcards. Then Marcus, who you’d think would do something, like when unicorns need braces? Lifetime’s version of Iron Man? A Tommy Lee jokes gets a thumb’s up and a smile from Carrot Muscles. Ron G., however, has jokes but not so much with the props. "This is not what I do," Ron G. acknowledges to the cameras. Papa CJ reimagines flashing headlights, so to speak, and does not know props, or how to make people laugh. Sean Cullen? Well, he tried, at least.
Last Comic Driving is still going?!?!? Ah, Brit lady. I miss you so. Tom Clark is in the hot seat. Wow, that was quick. Moving on…
Adam Hunter gets his chance, goes after Tom Cruise, Flavor Flav, O.J. Simpson, Paris Hilton. Um. OK. Jim Tavare opens with wordplay. Carrot Top said he was "clever." Iliza Shlesinger shows us Khloe Kardashian’s foot corn pads, a mouse saddle she made, and, well, here’s Paul Foot to dazzle us. Or not. I don’t know what’s going on here, and I don’t think he did, either. Jeff Dye gets to close, it seemed, and goes for quick movie re-enactments which seem to work well with the live audience. And Big Red awards immunity to…Jeff Dye for his originality! Big Red knows enough to mock himself.
Back at the house, Ramey notices that the young comics are more insecure and therefore more likely to lash out at one another. Like, say, for instance, Foot throwing a nerf gun off of the balcony, perhaps? That won’t win him any votes, unless he wants to get voted for elimination. Ramey predicts that the showdown will come down to Foot, CJ and Shlesinger, with Shlesinger prevailing again. Anyone want to bet against that? In the cemetery, host Bill Bellamy got outfitted in crazy again. Suddenly, Tavare is off crutches again. The votes are in…Ramey, CJ, Foot, Hunter, Tavare, Foot, Ramey, CJ, Foot, CJ…so Paul Foot and Papa CJ each get three votes, and they bring Shlesinger into the ring with them. Good luck with that, fellas.
Shlesinger says she’ll use her Los Angeles residency to her advantage, while the boys backstage think it’s going to get messy. Foot goes first. Puts awkward foot forward, trying to explain how he doesn’t like early to bed, early to rise people. Eventually gets applause. Nervous giggles. Man, he’s making me nervous with the pacing and the stammering and the looking at his watch. Shlesinger goes second. Reminds the audience what it was like to play high school sports, joking about the coaches. More nostalgia: You guys remember the game Oregon Trail? Yay, audience says. Other things and movements. Gets applause from the boys in the back. CJ goes last. Seems unfazed about it, and his opening joke about "L.A. being the most beautiful part of Mexico" gets a good reaction. Doesn’t like "random" selection for airport searches. Again with the deliberate pointing at a front-row guy for no reason whatsoever. Don’t mess with Indians, he threatens. He fails miserably with an Iraqi joke. Tries recovering with that old Hindu reincarnation joke, plus going back to the guy in the audience who wasn’t asking for it. Ugh. Even the boys know CJ did the same jokes he did in Vegas. And the audience votes for…Iliza Shlesinger, with 62 percent of the vote! Bye bye, Paul Foot and Papa CJ.
The rest of you kids, I’ll see you back here tonight with a new LCS recap!